I usually don’t feel that weird about not wanting romantic relationships, or ever getting married. But talking to my psychiatrist this week made me wonder if I am considered strange for having this kind of value.
As a Buddhist, I would say no… It’s okay to not lust. I try to not care what others think. But when a psychiatrist give so much attention to this issue, and express openly how he doubts me, I must admit that I am swayed.
It all comes down to values. Many think having a family and children is the ultimate goal of life. But I don’t. I know that there is a lot of suffering afterwards, and even the best case scenario has to come to an end.
There’s no such thing as happily ever after. At the very least, one day someone would have to die. And the more you love him/her, the more you are going to get hurt. But that moment is not the only pain in relationships. That kind of relationships only makes life more complicated. I try to be simple, and have a simple life.
But many people cannot imagine anyone not craving for intimate relationships. In their minds, we are just deniers. It is probably true from time to time. But I see that kind of desire as only part of our instincts. I know better. I know that a solitary life is much more gratifying.
I am not liking the direction of my therapy. It seems like they are pushing for me to “realize” that not wanting a sexual partner is unhealthy. They cannot accept that this is my value, and I have reasons for striving for an easy life. They are not even accepting religious explanations. If therapy means changing my value to worshiping romantic love and the desire to have children, I’m out. It’s not going to work. EVER. I know it in my heart what my life should be about, and this will only cause me irritation.
No, no, no. Stop letting them influence me in such a way. Yeah, they are mental health professionals. But it doesn’t mean that they truly understand the workings of the mind, and the meaning of life. They, too, are influenced by whatever religion they have. Maybe in many cases, people who think like me do have overlying problems they are trying to hide. But that’s not why I think this way. I’ve listened to dhamma, meditate,gave a lot of thoughts and saw things for myself. I came to realize what is the path I want to take. It took time, and I studied this thoroughly. It’s not like I jump to conclusions irrationally. Plus, I’ve had these kinds of thoughts since I could remember.So, it definitely did not spring from heartbreaks.
What do you think? Is it possible for one to truly desire an easy, solitary life?
Happy Old Maid 
I don’t see why not. I tend to subscribe to the belief that everyone is different and everyone’s happiness requires different things. I think more and more people are choosing a lifestyle counter to the ‘ideal’ of the olden days, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I would personally not feel comfortable if my therapist attempted to force those kinds of ideas on me either, if those weren’t things I thought I wanted.
Thank you for the reply, Trace! I am also wondering whether I should continue to see my therapist. I cannot imagine not going, though, since she has been such a big part of my recovery. But we’ll see how things go in our next appointment…
If you can – and I know it’s hard to be assertive sometimes with people – I would mention her comments really made you uncomfortable and work from there. I think clearing the air is the best way for you both to move forward in the end. Therapists are human just like us, with their own set of values and biases, and it sounds like that might’ve come out without her realizing it.